The Valley in the Shower

I feel more relaxed now that I have in a very long time. My pillows have been softer these past few nights than I've ever remember pillows being, and my Bed is so wide and so enveloping that I feel literally as if I close my eyes and lay on an entirely new world.

Here at my parents' house, where the light switch to the shower room is placed only just outside the shower curtain, I find that, having it in temping reach, I choose each night to turn out the lights during my shower. By doing this, I am put in perfect darkness, the kind found naturally only in the belly caves and at the bottom of the sea. I find myself doing this for one singular purpose. To imagine.

In a steamy cave where I cannot see even a hand in front of my face, I see things that are otherwise unviewable. Tonight I saw a rolling valley of tall, golden grass set between grey hills and steely, snow-capped crags. The valley stretched on either side as far as I could see, and the sun was framed on both horizons so that the grass would glow like true gold on every twilight. There was a slow, clear river I could see that was chill and inviting and ran along the valley and would meander sometimes into thin creeks an hour's trip down the sunset side of the prairie. The wind would always blow and make waves in the endless grass, and every direction promised adventure.

I saw more the longer I was in the dark. Though trees in the valley were scarce, I could see a large hardwood with widely fanning branches in whose trunk was set two windows and a door. The tree had been hollowed out, and this, I supposed, was where I stayed. I got the sense, that I was a tea-maker, and that I would travel in every direction to find new leaves for spicy recipes. I would make the different teas by hand and place them in teabags myself, wrapping each individually.

Outside, under the tree and by a window, a horse with old, grey reins grazed in the shade of the branches, where it also slept, and I expect she was mine. She had bags hanging from her saddle, filled with dried leaves that I had gathered from all over. I would ride her across the grassland of the valley since there were very few people who lived here and the distance between them was generally great. The closest person I knew of was a lady who lived where the river thinned to a creek and cut the valley in such a way that I would have to jump across or wade through it to visit her. She would wear a white frock and hum while she gathered flowers by the creek's edge. She also lived in a tree, though owned no horse, and I would ride to see her and bring her teas when I felt she needed company.

I remember dreaming of places outside the rolling valley and of the great sights and people I would meet there and the infinitude of places I might explore. I knew I would venture there someday, but the weather near my tree and the cool lap of the river had yet to wear off on me. Without a doubt, this valley of golden grass was my immutable home and the place I would always return to after a journey. Letters were written with quills and taken by birds, and my tea leaves were in innumerable glass jars lining shelves that trailed the inside of my tree.

Then I turned on the light. I was back in my bath room, and my eyes hurt a little. I had laughed while soaking in a slow clear river and felt the air push by me while I rode on horseback between illimitable possibilities. I had slept and climbed in a hardwood tree that overlooked heaven, and now, in one sobering instant, it was all less than a memory. I couldn't help but laugh at myself at how ridiculous the thing had been and how much I actually missed it. It was a true treasure, as I saw it. That valley was everything beautiful to me. For that reason alone, I believe, that Valley, to whatever degree invented, is still very much worth remembering.

I encourage you, if you can, to shower with the lights out. I've been asked on multiple occasions why I take such lengthy showers, lit and unlit, and to that question, perhaps, the best answer is that I simply think better in there.

Imagination is magic, I swear it.

Opperation Seaspray 2006

In October (too cold to swim, but completely uncrowded), Travis Hellstrom, Anna Garrett, Wee Wan, Chris McMillan, and I decided to try camping on Bear Island, a part of Hammock Beach State Park. It's a beautiful place that you really ought to visit.

Opperation Seaspray 2006

In October (too cold to swim, but completely uncrowded), Travis Hellstrom, Anna Garrett, Wee Wan, Chris McMillan, and I decided to try camping on Bear Island, a part of Hammock Beach State Park. It's a beautiful place that you really ought to visit.

Beautiful Cooling

For the first time all season, it's been cold! For some odd, profound reason that I've never been able to give a good answer for, cold weather livens up my soul. Last night I was taking a walk around Campbell, and, as I sometimes do, I drifted up toward the practice soccer field that lies on the outskirts of campus, past the baseball field and across the a very black road. Usually when I come to this field, I like to amble about it, talking through some thoughts and looking up at the stars, which usually shine very brightly there, and back at the foot prints I leave shimmering in the evening dew, but last night, as rare as it is, there was no dew on the grass at all. Remember wind was dry and chill, and there was no way of seeing even a single star through the thick cloud that covered the sky in varying shades of grey. That may sound dreary, but to me, it was one of the most beautiful nights I can remember.

I had a grey stocking cap on over my ears, and since there was no dew, I laid down on the dry grass, and it was as soft and clean as if it a blanket had been laid down. I felt the wind blow over me like water, and I laughed at just how beautiful it was to me as I tried to distinguish one part of the giant cloud from another. It must have been the street light or something reflecting off the clouds, because it was unusually bright out--I could see everything. My hood of my jacket was piled underneath my head, and I felt like I could have slept there the rest of the night.

Earlier that night, we celebrated the Moon Cake Festival, a Malaysian tradition in which paper lanterns are made by hand and have wishes and the names of friends written on them. My God... If you could have only seen those lanterns--greens, yellows, reds, and oranges--glowing softly by candle-light in that small tree on this brisk night... I swear it would have been enough to bring you to tears. I can't describe how beautiful it was. It was simply breath-taking.

I had so much to think of and smile about it was unreal. Only two nights ago, when I was looking up at the moon in that very field, and I saw--as clear as a flying spark--a shooting star streak overhead and die away. It lasted less than a second, but my eyes were so wide! I felt extremely lucky to have seen it, and, as I'm sure you may be screaming in your head, I couldn't help making a wish, and the one I made was a simple wish, I think.

Amazing what happen in that field at night. It's finally getting colder, and, happily, my walks seem to be getting longer and longer.

Finding New Things

When is it okay to hold on to something you miss, when in other cases, the same feelings are considered pathetic? Why are songs of loss so touching and noble when we listen to them, but in practicality, unhealthy or, at worse, delusional? Better yet, what is the difference between romance and obsession? I suppose that is mutual-ism, though it could be argued differently, I'm sure. It is irksome sometimes that there aren't any more words than "Love" in English to describe the concept, while in some languages there are so many. I guess at some point it became advantageous to be unspecific.

It is painful sometimes to note that things endearing to us or important to us may change, relocate, or disappear, and in those cases, when our treasures as they were have been irrevocably removed, it must be best to somehow find another thing, or facet of things, that we can love too, because, unfortunately, the treasures that capture us so dearly tend to be singularly and tragically unique--unmistakable and irreplaceable to very root of the word.

Forgive me, because I do not mean to suggest that it is impossible or dreary to seek after different things to love, nor the same about keeping an thimble's full of hope that whatever it was that left may, in some form, one day return. In fact, it can be a healing and gratifying experience to remember how the light would shine upon it or how differently the air would smell around it or in what season it was most enjoyed, but there are other things, too.

In the end, it may be what reaches us first that determines which great thing in this universe we will miss the most. Prejudices forms so quickly... That may be unfair, but then, circumstances--or so I have found--rarely have any consideration for fairness unless they are guided. What guides them? People, sometimes, but other than that I do not suppose to know, nor do I know for sure that there is anything explicitly meant for each of us, which is both assuring and damning. On the one hand, if we find something that fits and lose it or fail to gain it then there may be something else out there that can be made to fit just as well; but on the other hand, the entire ordeal may be shoving an assortment of square pegs through a round hole. I doubt that last part, though, since I think there are just too many beautiful things.

My Future Tiny Home

Houses run in all shapes and sizes, but most of the time, I always fantasize about a nice big house as being the dream. This morning, though, I was flipping through one of the TIME magazines Trav keeps in the bathroom, and flipping through, I stumbled on a very interesting article. It was about small houses, and believe me, when I say small, I mean tiny, tiny--many of them less than 100 sq. ft!

According to the article, Dee Williams, a woman living in Olympia Wash., lives in a tiny house no bigger than 84 sq. ft. That's smaller than my bedroom! The article in goes on to feature about six homes with designs varying from a small British-designed cube with indented dining area, to a rectangular, round-cornered German contraption featuring a rotating column of three rooms. My favorite, though, was still the tiny house Dee Williams built out of donated ceder. It cost lest than $10,000 dollars to build, and it looks something like a shrunken cabin with a small front porch. If the article's right, since it's on wheels, she doesn't even have to pay property tax on it. After all, it's smaller than many trailers.

I really got excited over this! I'm surprisingly attracted to the idea of living in a tiny, little house, cozy and simple. The space is put to good use, and well proportioned, and since they're so small, a lot more quality is packed into them than a traditional house normally would have, not to mention they're vastly less expensive than their normal-sized cousins.

The simplicity is probably what attracted me the most. I always wonder what in heaven's name I need all my unusable space for? Whenever I try to really see what I need and what just feeds my ego, I realize that, really, I, perhaps any of us, don't need all that much. Williams told TIME that her only regret was the limited space she had to host company or board visitors. Other than that, she says she loves her tiny home.

Sporadically since this morning, I've Googled around for some tiny-home sites and found some pretty interesting things. Click the name, and you'll be taken to a really neat catalog of tiny homes designed by a man named Jay Shafer. Most of them are pretty remarkable, but my favorite so far is the Epu (right).

The idea of living in a house smaller than most single car garages may seem border-line comical for a lot of people (just think about those tiny cars the clowns pop out of) but in reality, I think they are pretty interesting and in line with most of my philosophies. Just seeing how people live inside these houses helps me remember what all I actually need and don't need--what's important and just indulgent. I think these small houses pretty amazing, and don't pretend like you wouldn't come visit me if I had one. Most people, I think, would thing it's pretty awesome, too, and if nothing else, wouldn't it be an interesting conversation piece?

Lynch Home, House of Wonder

Last week was one of the greatest I've had in a long, long time. First, on Wednesday, my family and I spent a fun-filled day at Carowinds, where there was much fun and instant karma. It was very hot and sunny for most of the day, but is somehow came out of the entire experience without a single patch of sunburn. That night was spent in a wonderfully fluffy hotel. Ahh...

Thursday, me and The Fam headed down to Myrtle beach, where we stayed in a beautiful hotel with an ocean view, lazy river, and one of those 500 gallon buckets that dump every two minutes or so. I found out on this vacation how much I really love water playgrounds.

Then my favorite part of the whole trip happened! On our way back home on Friday, my parents offered to stop at Campbell to experience the glory of Lynch House, my residence house, for themselves, but up until this point, I myself had only basked in its outward excellence, which, though considerable, is only the tip of the diamond iceberg. On this occasion, Travis Hell-Storm was able to let my family and I into the House of Wonder to see for ourselves first-hand the sublimity it had to offer. For the first time in my life, I was privileged enough to cross the sacred threshold of the Lynch Home, House of Wonder, the most excellent residence building on the face of the globe. I was emotionally unprepared to withstand the majesty of the dark wooden walls and stove-endowed kitchens. I felt paralyzing jolts of electrical delight as I walked into each room projecting their individual dignities. On occasion, I was forced by my unworthy constitution to kneel and cry as I walked from room to room.

Then... Oh, then how my unhallowed feet burned! I unwittingly trespassed into the most resplendent room in the most glorious abode. The chamber glistened with the same dignity of a beaming sapphire center-set atop the principal spire of a queen's tiara. What I was to learn about this room would change my life forever...

My home! My sanctuary! My reposition away from all earthy woes! This hollowed ground was meant for me! So alight with noble renown is this chamber of heavenly sanctitude that no light from Heaven or Earth, King Sun or Prince Moon, dares assume its help is required. It is the last of the kind, peaceful ranch-grounds greened by the sunny smiles of those to inhabit it. "Welcome, child," it whispered to me. "Come spend your days in my arms, and I will guard you from suffering and sing to you melodies meant for the stars." My room! My house! My heavenly home, the House of Wonder!

I spent the next three nights in aerial bliss there within. During that time, I discovered my deepest soul and relocated the loin's share of my things to their rightful room. Trav and I set up my DVD player and Gamecube in the living room, and hopefully there is even more glory yet in store. Hellstrom, Steward of the House of Wonder, stays there now alone, enjoying a week of RA training. Soon, we will all join him and bask in the awesome glory of Lynch Home, House of Wonder. It is a place where you and I are welcomed to love our neighbors and improve our world. Here, there is only heart, and believe me: you're invited.

Lite is Good

Recently I've gotten back into scheduling things on Google Calendar, and I'm always impressed with how things seem to be get done under that condition! Though I usually get up too late to start like I planned, a quick shuffling of events (and some shuffling to some bluegrass) usually leaves me with all the time I need for the things I want to do. What I don't schedule usually ends up being things such as chill-axin', playing guitar, preventing World War II, and (drum roll) playing Mariokart on my brand spanking new DS Lite!-- purchased only a couple weeks ago, and enjoyed candy-eyed ever since. If you're nice, I'll may even let you hold it. Wanting it was fun, but now I can want it and then pick it up and play.

The days keep coming up closer and closer to that bright morn of joy on whose tender blushing rays I shall ride, beaming, back onto us Campbell's blessed campus. Pictures of squirrels and uneven brick walkways float in my my dreams, and in the center of my night-mind wanderings there glows the benevolent open-armed aura of Lynch Home, House of Wonder awaiting my occupancy. These have been wonderful days and nights, my friends! I'm afraid, though, that my anticipation will draw out these final few weeks and make them creep. O, cruel spirit of desire! Why doest thou taunt us mortals so!

But perhaps these days will move a little quicker with some Vacation plans in the works! In only a couple short weeks, the family (myself included) are going to have a fun-filled day at Carowinds theme park! And as if that weren't enough, there is talk of the day after that one to be no less than a trip to the beach! Just one Jaunt to the mountains and the week would be complete; unfortunately, the mountains will have to stay confound on the inky canvas of my mind, but those two days will be fun-filled and grandeur packed none the less.

Also, with school coming back into such wonderful proximity, I've been brainstorming on the subject of haunted trails. I think I have a theme and a few characters emerging from my imagination, as well as a slightly different trail-walking set-up. The Haunted Trail is a great project, and I want it to be even more successful than it was last year! I think we can do it! Once the years start, I'll run a few ideas past the club body, and we can get this puppy rolling to scary town on the gravy train. I plan on having many more brainstorming session. We'll see what comes out of it.

This entry is brought to you in part by the urgings (in comment form) of Anna the Crazy Haired Goat Lady, whom I am counter-urging to post her long-awaited interpretations of "Clarity", the befuddling smash hit from our lovable laudable John Mayer. Get crackin', girl! The End may be tomorrow!

Mr. Mayer's Clarity

I am a giant fan of John Mayer's. I love the enveloping melodies he constructs and the bright lyrics that season them. But of all the John Mayer songs I listen to, Clarity had been to me the most head-scratching. I've listened to it hundreds of times, and attempted innumerably to achieve the enchanting "ooo OOO"s with, admittedly, comical results; but for the life of me, I could not understand what he was talking about. Surly It had to do with some girl, a pin-drop of heartache, or maybe it was a lay to his tortured, velvety-voiced soul? On that line of thinking I would circumambulate, coming around so many times I could see my own backside--but no conclusion.

You speak in riddles, John Mayer. RIDDLES!

But then I remembered something. Way, way back, long ago, when was still spring, I was sitting in Dr. Vaughan's British Lit class and we were discussing William Wordsworth's idea of poetry. Wordsworth wrote that he would had small epiphanies called "Spots in Time" during which he would be able to see thing in a new light and come up with amazing verse. He lamented, though, that they never lasted, and he could never predict when they would happen. Starting to sound familiar? If you're a John Mayer fan, you'll recognize this is exactly what the guitar maverick youth describes in his smash hit, Clarity!

"But This morning, there was a calm I can't explain. / The rock candy's melted; only diamonds now Remain."

"By the time I recognize this moment / this moment will be gone..."

"[...]And I will wait to find / if this will last forever, / and I will pay no mind / when it wont, and it won't because it can't. / It just can't. / It's not supposed to."

Listening to the song, thinking of Spots in Time, it now makes perfect sense to me. I don't know if John Mayer reads any Wordsworth, but it seems to be a concept very closely related to the kind of idea's present in Johnny's music, not to mention the name of the song itself. I don't think it has to do with a relationship specifically, even though it mentions one. I think that is more or less part of what he now clearly sees in his Spot in Time--his moment of Clarity.

This would be a fascinating idea for a research paper, right? But as I clearly wouldn't get a grade for it, I'll probably just be left as a fascinating idea. Haha.

The AC was Broken

At the beginning of the day, the upstairs AC was on the fritz, and, since my bedroom is upstairs, I was roasting. It was funny because the hot air was occupying a very large part of my mind, and while I was talking to Trav, I realized that, while I try to appreciate the things I have, my mind simply can't keep track of all of my blessings, and sometimes they have to break before I realize how much I like them. I never think about air conditioning, today it was the only thing on my mind. Thankfully, it's fixed now, and it has me thinking about the other things that I enjoy but rarely think about. Memories might be one. If I started to forget my adventures, I wouldn't be half the person I am today. My songs. If I lost them or forgot them, I would miss a part of me. Chapstick, my guitar case, clean socks, toothpaste, microwaves... Man, what would I do without the world around me?

I just got done looking at some photos of past exploits, and one set that particularly got to me was a photo-set taken of my Birthday last year. I choked up when I looked through and re-saw my surprise party and very unique, very sweet pie made especially for me. There were friends, balloons, and bubble gum all around, and I was the happiest person in an orange turtleneck to be found anywhere! I in a single moment, I remembered how wonderful that whole year was and how lucky I am to have been in a group of such wonderful people. Only the highest of quality. At the time, I wasn't even thinking about my birthday--my friends and I were having a blast, and that was most precious to me, and by far the most vivid part of the memory. Looking back, I realize how much love was frozen with the sugar in that pie and just how much appreciation was sizzled into my first ever succulent fillet mignon. I'm still reading a book I bought from Barns and Nobel that very day!

I can't help it, and it's undoubtedly selfish, but I always get a little sad every time I remember that most of those individuals, the ones in my pictures, aren't going to there with me at school this year. They're off to bigger things and new chapters, adventures that are new, exciting, and completely different from what they could get if they just stayed where they had been. It won't be long before I'm in the same boat, and perhaps I'm in that boat right now. Things change, no doubt, and The Good Ol' Days are always have a little more gold to them when we're looking at them though a photograph, but even though I thought I knew that while the memories were being made, it's still a bittersweet affair to look back on them. But it's far more sweet than bitter, I think.

Money Misgivings and Feelin Fine

Well, I finally got my taxes sent in after a month and a half of tarrying. Haha! It wasn't up to me, folks! I tried to get W2 since a week before April 17th, and it was postmarked to my house June 1st! I have a big sigh to sigh knowing that's off my to-do.

I also RSVP-ed to a friend's wedding today! I've been looking forward to that all summer, and I can't wait to truck it up to Charlotte this coming July 22nd! I've never been to a wedding I wasn't forced to go to before! Since I'll be out so late that day, it's likely that I'll have to get a hotel room. I don't particularly relish that idea, since I can think of a hundred different ways I'd rather spend $60, but I'll try to room with a few friends, and that will bring cost down and fun up!

It occurred to me today how much I miss my friends at Campbell. A month more seems too long to be away from the good ol' Orange and Black, and I have a lot to look forward to in this next year. Living here with my family is good, but I'd rather it only be a visit. I yearn for a chance to go out into the world and live on my own, carving out my own nook and living by my own choices. Sometimes it seems like my choices are made for me, no matter where I go. Doing what's best means the same thing it's always meant, and adventures are too costly on my wallet.

In fact, I was just talking today to my brother of how boxed in money makes me feel. I'm by no means poor, but it just seems like life has to be centered around acquiring and budgeting money, and what I can do for a living and what my goals can be are limited by that idea. Clearly life is not about money--no more than it is about finding a mate or making other people think I'm great--but sometimes I feel like my life prospects are limited because I have to eventually pay for a house, car, insurance policy, water bill, electricity bill, phone bill... I know there are people who have done it before me. They've gone through life and finished out with smiles, doing what they love. So there's got to be a way! Haha! I just wonder sometimes how I can go for what I want, and compromise for cash? Does anyone know how big a deal money will be in the long run?

Blah... If I had my way, I'd just get everything I wanted just because I'm that cool a guy. Can I get a Hoorah? Hoo-ha! A tad awkward? A smidgen foolish? A skoosh uncoordinated? These things never stopped George W Bush, and they won't stop me! I'll fly, I tell you. Fly!

Here's to equal opportunity!

I have to write it. I've been holding back as long as possible, but I've hit the breaking point and you're all coming with me. I want a Nintendo DS Lite so bad I might just have a hernia... or buy a DS. I don't know exactly what it is about Nintendo that I like so much, but I'll attempt to put a finger on it. Their philosophy is one of innovation. They are now looking hard for ways to recreate genres of video game entertainment. I've had my eye on the Wii, Nintendo next home console coming out the fourth quarter of this year, but I could die just walking out the door. You never know! That's why NOW is the time for action! The DS lite is smaller, thinner, sleeker, glossier, brighter, and, let us not kid ourselves: just plane sexier than the original DS, and, oh yes: I want the hell out of it! But, alas, reality--as it favors to upon occasion--slaps me in the face and yells "Silly Chase! DS lites are for people richer and better looking than you!" Well, reality, you may be right, but even the Trix Rabbit had his day! We all remember that time he won a trophy full of colorful, fruity Trix cereal, and mine is just around the corner! Anything is possible! I happily plan to run across an envelope tommorow stuffed with hundred dollar bills and gold-plated diomonds, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!

Hahaha! Okay, a DS lite might not be a nessesity. Like most things, though, I've gotten about as much fun as I could ever have wished for just from wanting the thing! Sometimes, I guess, a big fun idea is worth having.

Best wishes and good night!

Wonderful Storm

Tonight there was a spectacular storm. My brothers woke me up from a nap and told me to come downstairs because of some kind of severe weather warning for our area. I was a little grumpy since I was listening to the relaxing sounds of the Pacific Ocean on my iPod, not to mention the rain and wind against my window, so I was drowsy and didn't want to move an inch, but the sound of the thunder was incredible and frequent. There were long and spider-like flashes of lightning that stayed lit for up to two seconds! Outside, the rain was so hard it looked like a fog that was just making a lot of noise. Man, there is nothing like a storm. As powerful and dangerous as they can sometimes be, I think they are one of the most beautiful things in this world.

Three of us stood out on the front porch after the rain was mostly over to watch the last bolts of lightning streak, and some were very spectacular. We talked and laughed a lot, and it was a wonderful scene. Storms like the kind we saw tonight don't happen very often around here, so it was a real treasure. I hope a lot of people got so sit on their porch and watch that beautiful monster storm.

Am I Better than I was Yesterday?

This has so far been an okay summer, but I don't think I'm putting as much time into things I think are important as I should be. Many times I find that my time is absolutely wasted and that instead of getting better and becoming more, I have somehow atrophied. My TV is on way too often and I spend hours playing old SNES games on my emulator instead of working on my reading list. I've gone so far as to map out a running route that is almost exactly one mile but have never used it even once. I have NOT written down or analyzed what I think is important, and I have NOT written down short-term goals for my summer.

This past school year, I wrote down about eight philosophies of living that I thought were worth forming my life around, and I have lost the sticky notes I wrote them down on. Hopefully in future entries I can reconstruct them and submit them on this blog for others and myself to read and evaluate. I have had a very relaxing summer, but relaxation is miserable when there's no meaningful work to relax from. My job at Foodlion hardly qualifies as meaningful since I feel like I'm doing a lot of cyclic work that just has to be done again in a few days. Ha! But that's what I signed up for when I decided I want the money it brings. That money, though it seems pointless now, will help me take care of small expenses in the future and keep a healthy reserve of emergency funds the bank.

But, then, I have many days when I'm NOT at work, and many free hours on work days, besides. At the pistol-start of summer, I begged my mother to help me put together a work station for the summer where I could do my goal setting and writing and studying and communication. It took rearrangement of my room, the addition of a ghetto white plastic table, and tucked away metal chair (looks nice but could use a cushion) to pull it off, but all the effort came through in flying colors! SO WHY AM I NOT USING IT! I play games and waste time, but that's not exactly what I had in mind when I asked for it.

So, you see, though I'm having a fine summer, I still think it could be a lot better with a few tweaks and adjustments. I think a good thing to do would be to really start scheduling on Google Calendar again; making to-do lists and blocking out my time so that I can see what I can actually get done. It worked great before, and summer is as good of a time to as any to get rolling again!

I want to always be able to answer YES when I ask myself the question: "Am I better than I was yesterday?"

The Summer has Begun

It's true! It's summer!

And now that the summer has begun, I have a summer job at Foodlion! I am a proud Stocker, bent unwaveringly to shelve all products that/who cross my merciless path! The hours fly by since there is never a lack of things to do, and it pays pretty well. I may not work that often, but that's fine by me. I enjoy listening to music and writing as I bask in the neon glow of my recently purchased green light bulb--best dollar I ever spent! Also, I bought some new speakers for my laptop. They have a fault-rifting subwoofer, but gigantic blue lights on either stereo speaker so intense that I now own a small but successful tanning salon. With a bag of Sugar Daddies by my side and a whole season to look forward to, I think this is shaping up to be a pretty good break.

Operation Beneathus 2006

One of the greatest underground spelunking adventures ever, Operation Beneathus took the adventurers deep in the heard of the Earth to The Lost Sea, the largest underground lake in North America.

Scalars and Touchstones

Direction. What the crap are my goals? Where on Earth are they going to take me? Why are they so important? What should be important about them? Questions, questions. They should be asked in reverse order.

I feel like a scalar--that is to say, a magnitude with no direction. A scalar at it's best can only sit down and marvel at just how voluminous it is. "Wow!" says the Scalar. "I sure am big!" And that is about all it can say for itself. It is a holographic horn-of-plenty spilling out on sand. No one wants to be a Scalar. Even the tiniest little vector is being more useful as it presses on the Wall of Berlin. An amorphous blob of glory does nobody any good, and as Carlyle observed: all thought must end in action. I cannot expect to be happy if my power, whatever that may be, is dwindled to nothing more than "I sure am big!"

Oh, but it's scary! A direction is something that is difficult to choose. In the past I've let influences make my decisions for me, believing whatever direction I fell into would be God's plan and that everything would be okay. I mean, the worst I would ever have to do would be to deal with life every once and a while. But life... Life is not supposed to be dealt with; it is much more enjoyable when lived! This has been my realization of the year, and so has been the recognition (or perhaps assumption) of my Scalar status. Before, I didn't even realize I had a magnitude or even a true capacity to choose a direction. I always just assumed I'd fall into one as I always had. That was great. Now I have responsibility to choose for myself not because somebody is making me, but because it WILL be chosen. It may be chosen quickly and ignorantly or I may just drift into the stream and hope there isn't a waterfall at the end, but either way I will have made my choice, and I will have nobody to hold that to but myself.

Love is great thing. Perhaps the best of things in which a decision can take root. Love connects all people with no regard for matter. It is the form of compassion, sympathy, empathy, service, emotion, and telling somebody they look nice today. It is in grief and sorrow and pain and acceptance. It is the empathetic imagination and any goal that has no grounds in love is probably not that great of a goal. I keep this in mind and think of it as a working definition.

So it is no secret: Goals are nearly synonymous with direction. Life Goals are foci and touchstones for every activity we take part in and guide our thoughts and what are minds will be molded to. They cannot be untouchable, and they cannot be fickle. How do I form them? I don't know the exact answer to that, but I do have a certain direction in mind.

1) What should be important?
-Tough Question, but it's really the first question that must be answered. It's like setting goals for my goals. Finding out what truly matters to me and why it matters to me will help me know how to value the things and activities of my life. Levels of importance should also be determined. This is the same as setting priorities. Is happiness important? Free time? Family? Friends? Pets? How? How much?

2) How should my goals reflect what is important?
-Okay, I figured out what's important. Now, I need to figure out how those important things are going to be translated into philosophies of living. What are my mottoes? What are my themes? Every one of my goals should line up with my general philosophy of importance so that I remain focused and uneasily fooled into things that I don't think are good.

3) How will my goals bring me closer to what is important?
- I think I've figured out how my goals will reflect importance, so now I need to know how they will actually translate into practicality. How will what's important translate into doable achievements, physical directions, and actual decisions. Understanding my capabilities and motivations, what things can I achieve or acquire that will make me a living example of what I think is important?

4) What the crap are my goals?
-Now I need to make a list. First of long-term goals: as specific as I can feasibly make them so that my shorter-term goals can be working toward them. Then work backwards from there until the NOW.

5) How do I test my goals to make sure they are good ones?
-I have to be able to test every aspect above at that level of development so that I'm not just shooting blind and working toward something that isn't actually in vain or destructive. I haven't actually figured out how to do that yet, but I would be a great thing to have a touchstone for it all. Maybe that's God. Make nothing untouchable or fickle.

All in all, this in is itself is a goal that has passed though all 5 stages, just without some written law. I don't expect it to be quick, but I think it will be fun and something to think about. It is important to have direction, and I'm finding that out more everyday.

Google is Taking Over... My Heart.

It's amazing to me the stunning ability that Google has in making awesome ways to organize and share information. Thinking about where they'll go next, I can only imagine the kinds of services they will provide. Here are some things that have wowed me lately:

Google Desktop--I thought it was a gimmick, but it turns out to be one of the greatest information organizers I could have wished for, offering all manner of information an connectivity at your fingertips.

Google Calendar--With this new feature from Google, you can easily create a calendar of your events and even SHARE that calendar with the public or your friends. You can add all KINDS of calendars to yours of topics ranging from international holidays to Movie releases.

Wrightly--Not yet available, this program was recently bought by Google. It is an online word processor allowing people to upload documents from Word, co-edit documents in real time, store documents online, save to your desktop and much more. Since Google bought the company, I can only speculate as to what OTHER attractive features it will have before it's Google release. The only way to get an account for now is to find someone who already has one and ask for it. Unfortunately, I don't have one.

Google Book project--Tired of the library? A bit too three dimensional for you? Google's Book project aims to digitize the worlds written knowledge into a search-able, invincible format. Search through copyrighted material and read entire volumes of the public domain! They have respected copyright laws while simultaneously allowing the public access to worlds of knowledge. Here's hoping the project goes off without a hitch.

Gmail--I could not praise Google without mentioning Gmail. This web-based email account has made my life better in ways I am only beginning to understand. Easy and simple to use, my entire archive of messages are all search-ready and retrievable, and with over two gigs of space, I'll never run out of message space.

Google Talk--In Gmail, I also have all of my Google Talk logs. Google talk is simple, reliable, add-free and quickly approaching a point of being better than AIM. It's Call feature is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced and has MUCH better voice quality than a phone. The connection is instant, and best of all: it's all free. And why shouldn't it be? The company gets 12 cents per Google search!

There is more of course: Blogger, Google Maps, and the most comprehensive search available on the web. Thinking about it, Google is heading to a place of being much more efficient than Microsoft works and office. With a few more future programs, this will be the United States of Google, and you won't hear me complaining.

"Don't be evil."

The folks at Google have been hard at work making my life awesome since day one, so thank you Google. You're name is fun to say.