I've been reading a book this summer called How to Win Friends and Influence People, written by Dale Carnegie back in the 1930's. It's been in hearty print since it was published, and it's been for me one of the most eye-opening pieces of literature I have ever read, and it started with a considerable disadvantage with me. I am typically not a huge fan of self-help books.
I may never have read this book at all, but this year, I've been placed in several leadership positions with a frightening degree of responsibility that I've never experienced before. President of a Club, RA in Kitchen dorm... just as a senior in College, I am automatically a leader and a role model to hundreds of people whether I like it or know it or not. As the thought of this became more and more real, it became embarrassingly obvious to me that my human relation skills are in dire need of a tune up. I needed help. So it was principally on Travis Hellstrom's advice that I began reading this book, and I have not stopped thanking him since. Now I can see why the praise surrounding this book is so overwhelming.
I may never have read this book at all, but this year, I've been placed in several leadership positions with a frightening degree of responsibility that I've never experienced before. President of a Club, RA in Kitchen dorm... just as a senior in College, I am automatically a leader and a role model to hundreds of people whether I like it or know it or not. As the thought of this became more and more real, it became embarrassingly obvious to me that my human relation skills are in dire need of a tune up. I needed help. So it was principally on Travis Hellstrom's advice that I began reading this book, and I have not stopped thanking him since. Now I can see why the praise surrounding this book is so overwhelming.
This book is very much common since, which, insistently, is not very common at all. I found the ideas very easy to grasp, very logical, and upon every chapter, I could not help reflecting on the many times, just off the top of my head, when this simple advice could have saved a situation or relationship. On rare occasions, I could even think of how I had accidentally followed the advice and how amazingly well it worked.
The book goes into great detail about the benefits of each point and possible applications. I haven't found anything in How to Win Friends and Influence People to be a waste of my time to consider. The chapters are short and very griping. I read each one twice before moving on.
Though I've learned a huge lot of lessons from reading this book, some of the best things it has taught me have been that everyone, like myself, has a desire to feel important and that sympathy without criticism, enthusiastic appreciation, true attempts at seeing things from the other person's point of view, and being, above all, sincere and authentic are the best and most effective ways to live at peace with other people and to receive mutually beneficial cooperation. I can't recommend this book enough.
Though I've learned a huge lot of lessons from reading this book, some of the best things it has taught me have been that everyone, like myself, has a desire to feel important and that sympathy without criticism, enthusiastic appreciation, true attempts at seeing things from the other person's point of view, and being, above all, sincere and authentic are the best and most effective ways to live at peace with other people and to receive mutually beneficial cooperation. I can't recommend this book enough.
I have also learned another vital lesson, one which I have been notorious in breaking, and that is: Don't get into arguments. The truth of that statement stings, because I have gone out of my way to wage arguments, not just with the people around me, but even with my own family, causing nothing but tension and hard feelings. It created a lot of tension, but it NEVER changed the other person's mind. That is truly something that can never be done by force. Have I ever changed my mind because someone argued at me that I should? Of course not. Never. So why should I expect someone else to? As the Carnegie puts it: "You Can't Win and Argument."
I use this book's advice every day now. The suggestions aren't hard--they are, in fact, very simple--and even though it has been in print since 1936, every chapter is not only relevant, but intelligent and thrilling.
Relating to other human beings is one of the most important things we do in our lives. Why don't we study it like we study other things like math and science? Why is this so neglected? After getting such benefit out of that knowlege personally, I am seriously running out of answers to that question.
1 comment:
It intrigues me as well that our Self-Help culture doesn't just provide that help in a normal high school or college character education. How to Be an Adult, How to Win Friends and Influence People, How to Win at College and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens have all been some of the best books I have ever read. They are very practical and common sense, but like you said, it seems that common sense needs a little help to become a little more common knowledge. : ) Thanks for your entry Chase, I'm really glad you've enjoyed this book.
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