Monday, June 27, 2005

Took it up to Campbell

Last Saturday was the final day of the first orientation at Campbell. I emailed a good friend of mine who takes summer classes of there was something productive I could do up there, but she didn't get back to me. Ha! Like I need to be productive to visit Campbell. Around 1:30 and a car exchange dance with my parents, I donned my bright orange Circle K shirt and hauled it on up to campus!

By the time I got there, everyone had basically left. I enjoyed a walk around campus and then started meeting people I knew when I hit the Post office. Of course, I also 'enjoyed' a $24 bill I found in my mailbox to be paid by the end of the month or my box is closed. Lucky I went up when I did. Otherwise, my PO box was filled to the brim with mail that wasn't mine, including a quite substantial library of victoria's Secret catalogs. Jealous much? Haha! Of course I threw them all away, but getting one's mailbox stuffed with other people's mail is pretty annoying. And it happens all year too.

At any rate, I met a friend in the Post office parking lot and talked to them all the way into the Oasis. The Oasis was ghost-town-saloon empty save for a sparse, sparse few. Like any other weekend at Campbell, really. I surprisingly enough, I met another friend in there working at the info desk--not Chris (sorry Travis), but a senior friend of mine who has graduated and won't be returning to the good ol' Campbell next semester. That part's kind of sad, but I therowly enjoyed the conversations with her and her friend. Also, toward the end of my visit, I talked to a straggling freshman and her family. I told her things like how to get to Cary and Goodberry's. If I'm not mistaken, I believe she's going to join the wondrous Goodberry's Frozen Custard Fan Club and maybe even Circle K! Score! The world needs more members of both.

I had work at 6:00, so I had to start leaving around 4:30 so I'd have a comfortable time cushion. I said goodbye to the Oasis (after having a number 18 Orange Wave and playing with a puppy) and made my way to have 'linner' at our brand spakin' new Chick-fil-A. The food was great, but it turns out that shop isn't doing to well and ended up having to fire most of it's staff because of it's sever lack of business. Apparently, opening up right before summer break was a bad idea. Oh well, hindsight is 20-20 so they say.

I also poked my head into the newly renovated Shouse dining hall. Very interesting it is. It can't wait to sit down and have a meal there. Most of the sitting space has been overcome by little individual tables with about four chairs to a table. In the back, though is the original cafeteria-style long table seating. I'm glad for that because sometimes you have more than three friends. Some parts of the design are a little tacky to me, but all in all, it's nice. And they've started doing what I can only imagine is a similar renovation to Marshbanks. It'll be interesting to see how that turns out.

I think now I'm going to call up and see if I can't be a UFO for the final Orientation. It sounds like a good fun and a productive excuse for a visit. ^_^d

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

A Jaunt to the Mountains

I'm feeling a lot better now, owing in no small part to a little trip I got to take yesterday.

Late Monday night I was talking on the internet with a few people, and one of my conversations was with my twin brother. He lives in Boone, and he spontaneously asked me to come for a visit. Boone is over four hours away from where I live, I had work the next day... This was just what I needed! Early the next morning I called work, told them I wasn't coming, loaded up the Maxima, and hauled my sorry butt to the mountains! It felt INCREDIBLE! I finally got leave Holly Springs, even if it was only for a day. The whole way I listened to Weird Al with my arm out the window (and have a glorious sunburn on my left arm to show for it). It felt like I didn't want to be anywhere else than rolling west down I-40.

I haven't seen by brother all summer, either and seeing him again was every bit as wonderful as leaving this old town. I finally got to see his apartment and meet his roommates. I ate at the diner where he works and toured his University. We ate Calsones at the Mellow Mushroom and had frozen treats at TCBY (there was no Goodberry's around). We played video games and talked and had a wonderful time. I miss my brother a lot.

The only semi-bad thing that came out of this whole thing (aside from the sunburn) was getting something wonderful to compare with my colorless little room upstairs. Haha! The consolation I used to have for my brother living on his own in an apartment in the mountains while I was stuck here was that I imagined him living in some kind of impoverished squalor. HaHaHa! Quite the opposite. Even though he doesn't have a lot of spending money, I can see why he loves it out there so much. It's a college town, so there are people his age everywhere. His job gives him plenty of hours (recently, even a raise) and is coworkers are good people and in similar situations as himself, so they became great friends who not only get along, but do things together after work. He spends his free time playing video games and guitar, B-ballin' with his homies, and fondly bothering his suitemates. It's like college without the annoying interruption of learning! Now, what could be better than that?

I spent the night and headed home early the next afternoon as I had to be at work by 5:30. Though I was leaving the mountains, the drive back was really just as liberating, if a bit less excited.

The grass is always greener on the other side, and you'd think that seeing all this would make me feel even more trapped here in the townhouse, but I think my grass has gotten a lot greener just knowing that there are still places like that in the world. It's my turn next summer! You just wait! ^_^d

Long drives are great to clear one's head. I think when you find yourself feeling trapped in some grey cycle, a little something big and spontaneous never fails to add a little color.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Summertime Blues

I've been feeling kind of down lately. Living here with my parents over the summer feels a bit alienating while my brother rough it out on his own in an apartment in the mountains. I feel isolated from my friends and even my peers. I spend what few hours my job lets me work dipping things in hot oil, while being outperformed by coworkers who cannot yet drive after dark. The highlight of my month was seeing Batman Begins with my little brother. Seeing all the college-aged folks at the movies made me wonder where they all hide during the week while I'm staring at the inside of my colorless room with no one to call. I feel insufficient, unsuccessful, and lonely... But at least I don't have to pay rent.

I suppose I make it all sound worse than it probably is. I just miss my friends at Campbell and the independence and since of worth I felt there. There is no Circle K in Holly Springs. No cafeteria of friendly faces and countless peers. I love my family, but I can't help but feel trapped here. My knowledge here is worthless and I feel ignorant and unequiped. I miss when study and classes were a job I could perform it well and there were many people under the same demands to laugh with and consoled eachother over Oasis smoothes and birthday parties. I miss feeling like part of a legitimate team in a group of caring friends. I feel like I'm accomplishing nothing, and when I sit and try to think of something constructive I could be doing, the only things that come to mind are reading and exercise.

So I've read two books, started a third, and began a regimen of running. I believe running has been a very positive thing for me. Every day around 3:00 I put on jogging pants and run a short circuit down and around my neighbor hood. I've been doing it religiously for about a week now and am looking soon to expand my circuit and run longer distances. I was actually most inspired to start this regimen by a friend of mine whose every other away message had to do with how or when she was running. Since I've started, my little brother (much more athletic than I) has begun running with me as well. Of course, with his shorter legs he gets more of a workout, so it evens us out in the end, and we huff and puff along side eachother down the sidewalk. I've always hated running, but the fact that I'm do it anyway gives me some since of control over my pre-set surroundings. It's a healthy outlet for the feelings of being pent up in my parent's townhouse.

All these negative feelings, after all, are only my feelings. In truth, all this alienation is my own fault; I'm just not good at knowing how to fix it. In fact, I sometimes struggle to think of something useful that I can do well. Certaintly the glance-memory and speed-dexterity needed as a fry cook are not my forte. It is no consolation to hear one of my good friends is practically running a restaurant by himself, though I am overjoyed for him and for the skills he's learning. I just feel like I'm at a dead end sometimes and with no friends around to complain to. The fact is, complaining is cheap. I just want to go to the movies with my buddies every now and then.

Guys, if any of you are reading this, know that I really am fine. This is only a vent to some negative feelings I've been having. I miss you all with my whole heart, and I can't wait to see every last one of you again. I count the days for school to start again, though I never thought I would, to tell you the truth. Many people can't wait for school to end and dread it's begining again. Me? I missed Campbell from the moment I left her campus for the summer. Melodramatic, maybe, but oh well. ^_^d